Navigating the School System: A Dad’s Journey from Private Struggles to Public Triumphs
You know the saying, “Felt cute, might delete later” — I feel this as I type these words today. Some days, I write spiritual devotions, and other times, quirky stories. But today, I write simply as a dad — one who has had enough of the mistreatment of his kids and the imbalanced support I’ve witnessed in their educational journeys. As the school year begins, I want to remind parents that they are not trapped; there are options, and sometimes, changing the trajectory of our kids’ educational paths is the right choice.
I am the father of three incredible daughters, each of whom is remarkable in their own way. My oldest daughter, in particular, is a force of nature. Today, she began her senior year at a new school, bravely transitioning from a private Christian school to a public one. This change comes after enduring years of devastating experiences, abusive situations with faculty, and a stark contrast between her perception of the values her former school professed and their actual conduct. I write this with tears in my eyes — both from the pain of her past and the profound gratitude I feel — as she starts high school today, free from the panic attacks and fear that once plagued her. She is not alone in her struggles; her experience reflects that of many others let down by systems that are supposed to protect and uplift students. While the private school system failed her, the public school system is now offering her the support and redemption she so desperately needed. This support began in May and has strengthened over the summer. Though I won’t name the school for safety reasons, if those who have welcomed and cared for her are reading this: “Thank you!” Words seem insufficient to express the depth of my gratitude for the kindness and support they’ve shown our daughter. (PS — For those in the private school that also loved her well, I don’t want this moment to go by without saying, “Thank you!” too.)
When Choosing Between Private and Public Education
Choosing the right educational environment for our children is daunting, with each option offering distinct advantages. In our journey, this choice has been deeply personal and impactful. I’ve learned firsthand that no child should be stuck in an unhealthy educational setting. We made the mistake of enduring the cycle too long, and I hope our reflections can help others avoid staying too long in a detrimental environment.
Our Experience with Private Education
Private schools are often viewed as havens of high academic standards and personalized attention, which significantly influenced our decision to enroll our two oldest daughters in a specialized program. However, our experience fell short of these ideals.
Over the years, we faced several challenges:
- Lack of Accountability: Private institutions often lack the regulatory oversight present in public schools. Despite numerous meetings with the head of school and other administrators, our documented concerns were met with silence or dismissal. The absence of a formal grievance process made it difficult to address issues, leading to a disregard for our daughter’s well-being.
- Inappropriate Behavior: We encountered instances where teachers made inappropriate comments or displayed unprofessional behavior. The private nature of these schools sometimes shielded these issues from scrutiny. When we raised concerns, excuses were made, and we were often told that the leadership knew their faculty well and such behavior was implausible. These responses were incredibly frustrating, especially considering that while our daughters are not perfect, it is unacceptable for adults to be defended while dismissing a child’s valid/documented concerns.
- Preferential Treatment: Notoriety and financial contributions often led to preferential treatment. Students whose parents made significant financial contributions received exclusive opportunities and accolades, creating an environment where recognition seemed more about financial backing than actual talent. This sidelined students who lacked such resources, which was deeply troubling.
Our Experience with Public Education
Our journey through the public education system has offered a fresh perspective. Having had all our kids in public schools at different times, and with my wife and me both being public educators for a season, we’ve seen both sides of this coin. While public schools face their challenges, we’ve noted they often provide a more balanced, regulated, and supportive environment.
For instance, our children are celebrated and responded to when they reach out. They are not utilized based on their financial status or pressured the same way they were in private school. We, as parents, are welcomed into the conversation and provided information, unlike the silence we experienced with private schools outside of discussions surrounding the monthly bill being due.
Even though there are societal aspects and new norms that I may still need to embrace or understand fully, I see a more inclusive community in public schools. This inclusivity and support align closely with the values I hold dear, which also more closely reflect the teachings of Christ. It’s striking that I find more pronounced Christian values outside of an institution that bears the name of Christ.
Advocating for Change
Reflecting on our experiences in both private and public education, it’s clear that no system is perfect. Yet, addressing these challenges is vital for improving education:
- Raise Awareness: Sharing experiences and highlighting issues can prompt action within educational communities. Our children deserve to be in safe, supportive environments.
- Engage in Dialogue: Open communication with school administrators and policymakers can lead to constructive changes and better support systems. Although this didn’t happen in our case, I believe continued advocacy can drive progress.
- Support Transparency: Promoting transparency and accountability in both private and public schools can address grievances and foster a safer, more supportive learning environment.
Both private and public schools have their unique benefits and challenges, so it’s crucial to stay vigilant and proactive in addressing issues such as abuse, neglect, and inappropriate behavior. Advocating for fair practices and systemic improvements is vital, but it’s equally important to recognize and celebrate the positive aspects of your children’s experience in the educational system. While fighting for necessary changes often involves tough conversations and confronting intense issues, we must also shine a light on the incredible experiences our students are having. Frequently, those get lost in the fire of frustration. By balancing our advocacy with appreciation, we can foster a more complete view of education — one that acknowledges both the challenges and the triumphs — and work towards creating environments where every child, regardless of their background or financial status, has the opportunity to thrive.
Parents, if you are navigating a tough spot with your child’s schooling right now, stay strong. I see you, and you’ve got this. Have honest conversations with your student and with the school. When the time is right, remember to love, let go, and watch your student soar. After all, we’re all in this together, just like the Wildcats in High School Musical — minus the spontaneous dance numbers, of course. Keep your head up, keep the coffee perking, and keep singing your own tune!
